All The Dish On The Various Couples From 'The Ultimatum: Queer Love' On Netflix
The Ultimatum Queer Love on Netflix followed five couples of women and non-binary people in which one partner was ready to get married, but the other was not. First, they separate, and choose another partner for a trial marriage. Then, after that trial marriage, they move in with their original partner to do another trial marriage. By the end of the second trial, they have to decide if they are ready to get married, or if they want to go their separate ways. If you thought this season would be any less messy because it didn't involve straight people, you would be wrong.
It's a really captivating season, with relatable issues. The couples struggle with everything from fear of commitment to horrible communication skills. Though there was definitely chemistry, and in some cases, love, between the new couples - looking at you, Yoly and Xander - there was also plenty of conflict on The Ultimatum Queer Love. Sam and Tiff immediately struggled in their trial marriage, due to issues with communication, problems they both dealt with in their original relationships. Vanessa and Rae got along well, but their connection seemed more about lust, or getting back at their exes.
By the finale episode, Vanessa and Xander had broken up, while Sam and Aussie, Mildred and Tiff, Lexi and Rae, and Mal and Yoly had all become engaged. However, after the reunion episode, only one couple was still happily together.
Lexi and Rae
How it started: Lexi, 25, gave her girlfriend of over three years - Rae, 27 -an ultimatum, because she was not willing to commit, and Lexi felt like she was never put first in the relationship. Rae is hesitant for marriage, to the point of seeming paralyzed with indecision, but did accept to come on the show, despite not liking to be open with emotions.
What happened on the show: Lexi was devastated when she found out Rae had been intimate with Vanessa during their trial marriage. It didn’t seem like Lexi would be able to get over it, and Rae seemed absolutely overwhelmed with guilt and shame. However, come the finale, the pair both proposed to each other. They also shared that they would be moving to Philadelphia, because Rae got a new job.
By the reunion episode, the two were still engaged, and excited about planning a wedding. "The last year has been amazing. Proposal, vacations, we moved back to California a few months ago. It wholeheartedly has been the best year of my life,” Lexi said. However, a title card after the episode revealed, “Shortly after filming the reunion, Lexi and Rae chose to end their relationship. The wedding has been called off."
Current relationship status: Not together, but still friendly
According to their Instagram accounts, the pair are still split up, as of June 8, 2023. Lexi gushed about her new, photographer girlfriend in an Instagram post. Lexi has not revealed who her new partner is. However, Lexi called her "my best friend," and said she was the one who took a series of photos of her that made her happy. Fans speculate she is dating photographer Kristin Zancanelli, who has shot Lexi before, and also referred to her as her "best friend" in Instagram posts. She also shared an Instagram Story of them kissing that said, “spoiler alert.” Lexi and Rae still seem to be friends, as Rae commented on a bikini picture of her, writing, “Your photographer deserves a raise.”
Lexi and Mal
On the show: Lexi and Mal seemed to connect immediately while they were dating around on the show. After Lexi's blowup at Vanessa, she focused all of her attention on Mal for the trial marriage. They exchanged "I love you's" after just a few weeks together, and told their friends and family that they each had exactly what they were looking for in a partner for marriage.
However, three weeks is pretty tough to compare to 3-4 years, and when reunited with their exes for a trial marriage, they quickly began working on their original relationships. They both went on to get engaged to their original partners in the season finale.
Current relationship status: Not together, but great friends
Though they broke up to focus on their original partners, the two still share a special relationship, and have remained friends. Lexi said Mal was even the "first person she called" after she and Rae split, adding, "She's one of the first people I call most days out of the week. In looking for a future partner, our relationship is a pivotal cornerstone to what I look for." Mal seconded the sentiment, saying, “Lexi has only grown as like deeper, deeper family to me. The roots have just grown way deeper. We built something really deep. I reflect on my parents who have been together for 50-something years, and it hasn't always been great, but they have an actual friendship."
Vanessa and Rae
On the show: Rae and Vanessa seemed like more of a lust or revenge choice, seeing as the latter had flirted with multiple daters, including Rae's ex, Lexi. Lexi was incredibly open about her disdain for Vanessa, and warned her ex that she was not in it for the right reasons, and would just blow everything up... which is basically what happened.
Though Rae had not been her first choice, Vanessa was giddy about them moving in together for the trial marriage. She was very touchy-feely with a reserved Rae, and consistently made comments about seeing each other naked, lingerie, and taunting remarks about Lexi (like while Rae was holding Vanessa's hand as she got her nipples pierced on one of their dates). Fans wondered if Vanessa and Rae only picked each other to get back at their exes.
One of the big scandals of the show was Lexi finding out Rae and Vanessa had been intimate, which sent her spiraling. After Vanessa and Rae's indiscretion, the latter was devastated, and clearly felt guilty. She even contacted Lexi to tell her about it, leading to another big confrontation with Lexi, Vanessa, and Yoly, when the group met back up before their trial marriages with their original partners.
At this point, it was abundantly clear that Vanessa just wanted to have fun with Rae, and neither of them were interested in pursuing things romantically. Rae and Lexi ended up proposing to each other in the finale, though they called off their engagement shortly after filming the reunion episode for Netflix.
Current relationship status: Nonexistent
Vanessa and Rae do not seem to be in contact with each other anymore, and don't follow each other on social media.
Yoly and Mal
How it started: Yoly, 34, and Mal, 36, had been together for three years. They first met during Chicago Pride, and their friendship went on to become much more. They've moved together. They've dealt with a breakup and a reconciliation, and Yoly is ready for Mal to "choose her" in a big way, and finally propose. Mal, however, wants everything else in their life - finances, etc. - to be sorted out before they take the big jump into marriage. Mal was also nervous because Yoly falls in love so quickly, and wanted to make sure Yoly was dedicated to her, and not just to falling in love.
What happened on the show: During the trial marriages, Mal seemed to deeply connect with Lexi, while Yoly fell head over heels for Xander. Mal and Lexi seemed like a perfect match, and they clearly bonded, as they are still friends today. However, unlike Xander and Yoly's relationship, the couple didn't seem to have the romantic chemistry.
When Mal and Yoly reunited for their trial marriage, Yoly was open about having fallen for Xander, while Mal had become certain she wanted Yoly, and was ready to get married. Things seemed rocky between them, but there was clearly a lot of love there. Come finale day, Mal said, "It’s always been you. I know it’s you now. And if it’s not now, I promise to come looking for you in the next lifetime. But not without asking you…" Then, Mal got down on one knee, and proposed to Yoly, who asked, through tears, "What took you so long?"
Current relationship status: "Happily broken up"
However, come the reunion episode, the pair were "happily broken up," at least according to Mal. Yoly said the relationship ended two weeks after they left the show happily engaged - but Mal disagreed, causing the two to argue about timelines, and who was telling the truth. “We can see throughout The Ultimatum that your history of being honest doesn’t track. So it wasn’t two weeks after being back,” Mal said, calling Yoly's behavior "hella disrespectful" and "degrading."
Mal looked at the situation with a lot of grace following the reunion, saying, "I think we still respect each other. And I think once you’re family, especially like within our communities and the way that we grew up, you’re always going to be family. Whether you’re a distant cousin or not.”
Yoly and Xander
What happened on the show: Yoly and Xander hit it off right away, and it was obvious they were going to choose each other for their trial marriages after breaking up with their exes. They exchanged "I love you's," and explored physical intimacy during the trial marriage. The two seemed set on each other, even when they initially went into the trial marriages with their exes. Xander did go on to break up with Vanessa.
Yoly was upfront about her lingering feelings, telling Mal, "I want you to know I'm still in love with somebody else." However, she said yes to Mal's proposal, which she later said was because she couldn't have had anything real with Xander without seeing her relationship with Mal to the end. Yoly still seemed conflicted even after getting engaged, telling Xander, "I don't want to let you go. This isn't a matter of not loving you. It's not from lack of love."
Current relationship status: Not together
Speaking with TODAY.com later, Yoly revealed that when she was saying goodbye to Xander, the two shared a kiss that was not aired on the show. "I am not looking forward to the finale. That’s probably the only time I can say that I regretted what I did... I went in for the moment and we kissed, which I super regret. Considering I literally had just said yes to Mal. That was not a good moment. I’m not proud of it. I’ll forever apologize to Mal for that," she said.
That wasn't the end of Yoly and Xander though, as the latter revealed the two stayed in communication, and saw each other at Coachella. They said that while nothing happened at the music festival, Yoly was planning to visit Xander in Hawaii.
"I was hoping to reconnect and try in any way possible," Yoly said. In the end, though, the pair called it quits. "We were in each other's journey for a little bit, but now we're back to doing our own stuff. I feel like I really needed to commit to myself. And figure out how to change the things I wanted to so I could show up better for myself and any partner that I had," Xander said.
Vanessa and Xander
How it started: Vanessa and Xander came in with one of the most charming - and queer! - love stories. They met and became friends in high school, because their boyfriends were best friends. Years later, after both of them had come out, they reconnected, and began dating. Four years later, and they still seem wildly in love, but Xander wants to get married soon, while Vanessa doesn't know if she ever wants to tie the knot.
What happened on the show: When it came time to split, Vanessa seemed giddy at the idea of dating and flirting with new partners after four years with Xander. However, she went on to gain the ire of the other contestants when it was revealed that the reason she was so secure with dating around was because she thought Xander would never connect with anyone else. She even told Lexi that if Xander weren't with her, she would be asexual (which Xander has said is not the case).
In the trial marriages, Vanessa solidified her "villain" status with some of her castmates when she and Rae fooled around, despite knowing they didn't want to pursue each other romantically. She and Rae looked like they were having fun together, but that's where it ended. Vanessa said the experience made her ready, not only for marriage in general, but to finally make that step and commit to Xander.
In the trial marriages, Vanessa solidified her "villain" status with some of her castmates when she and Rae fooled around, despite knowing they didn't want to pursue each other romantically. She and Rae looked like they were having fun together, but that's where it ended. Vanessa said the experience made her ready, not only for marriage in general, but to finally make that step and commit to Xander.
However, Vanessa had come to that conclusion too late for Xander, who was conflicted thanks to feelings for Yoly. Things were rocky when Vanessa and Xander began their own trial marriages, and when they arrived at Ultimatum Day, Xander - who had issued the ultimatum - chose to end things. "I wish I could give you the world. I thought I was going to be able to. You deserve a lot more than I can offer you right now," Xander told Vanessa. Vanessa took the breakup surprisingly maturely, and thanked Xander for their time together, saying, “I don't know who I would be without those four years with you. I will always love you. You're the reason I know what love is.”
Current relationship status: Not together, haven't spoken
At the reunion, Vanessa said that there had been no discussions of getting back together, and that they really hadn't even spoken since. After the show, Xander told People that Vanessa only wanted to get engaged to make herself look good, likely because of her villain edit. "I think that's something that I knew, too, when I would visualize myself on the decision day. What if I did propose to Vanessa? If she said yes... I would've looked at her, and I would've been like, 'I don't believe you,'" Xander said.
Vanessa, on the other hand, said she was trying to do whatever she could to keep them together. "I still held on to hope going into the decision day. But it was kind of more like, 'Okay, it's in her hands now.' She was the ultimatum giver, and she took it back, which was not very nice to do. So it wasn't even my decision in the end, but there's a relief in that it wasn't my decision," Vanessa told the publication.
She also said that the "real end" of their relationship was when she moved out of Hawaii - where they had lived together - because Xander was still talking to Yoly.
Tiff and Mildred
How it started: Mildred, 33, and Tiff, 32, first met after Tiff found her through an Instagram hashtag, and slid into her DMs. There's clearly a ton of chemistry between them, and being attracted to each other is not the problem. However, they have problems communicating, and Tiff is worried about getting engaged since they break up like every other week. Tiff gets mad at Mildred for interrupting them, but Mildred insists that she only does that because she's a Latina, and that will never change."
Before heading into the experiment, they had a nice life together, which included Mildred's son from a previous relationship. That is, a nice life aside from their on-off relationship. Mildred has been divorced, and since that painful relationship, says she "deserves to be happy," which to her, means getting proposed to by Tiff.
What happened on the show: Tiff held their ground about not being ready to get married, but when it came time to choose a new partner for the first trial marriage, they broke down, crying because they know how much they love Mildred. Despite not wanting to continue with the experiment, Tiff ended up matching with Sam, and Mildred happily matched with Aussie.
Neither of their trial marriages went well at first, with Sam and Tiff arguing about Tiff's dog, and Aussie and Mildred arguing because the former couldn't handle the way the latter communicates - or just couldn't handle confrontation at all. In the end, Sam and Tiff seemed to be getting along well, and though there wasn't a romantic connection, they both felt they had learned a lot about communicating their needs and wants in a healthy way. Mildred wasn't given that opportunity, as Aussie walked out before their trial marriage was over. They got engaged in the finale, and all seemed well as Mildred told Tiff, "We're crazy. But we're crazy together."
Current relationship status: Broken up, contentious
That happiness did not last, and by the reunion special Mildred said, "We're no longer on speaking terms," before explaining that after getting engaged and moving in together, they were both faced with the same problems as before. "There were no plans for the future. We could never talk about a wedding. There were so many problems," Mildred said. She called the decision to leave Tiff "one of the hardest decisions that I ever made, ever."
Tiff took umbrage at that, insisting they were the one to end the relationship. "I just feel like we had an overall unhealthy relationship that was trying our best," Tiff said. Things only got worse from there, as Mildred revealed she had been arrested for throwing a pet gate at Tiff during a heated argument. "They arrested me in my home, and they took my engagement ring off, and I never put it back on. I am not proud of what I did, but there was a lot of fighting," Mildred said.
Mildred suggested Tiff had cheated on her by bringing women to their shared home, though Tiff argued they were broken up at the time. The reunion ended on bad terms for this couple, as Tiff walked off set in tears - and did not return - after an explosive argument in which Tiff said Mildred was gaslighting her.
Aussie and Sam
How it started: Sam, 31, and Aussie, 42, describe their meet cute as like "something you see in the movies." They met in an online social group for LGBTQ+ people during the pandemic, and their relationship continued for a year and a half after they took it IRL. Sam is ready to make the commitment to Aussie, but despite being a decade older, Aussie has too many anxieties about marriage, and wants to just keep living together before making the decision to tie the knot.
What happened on the show: Aussie seemed happy to match with Mildred when it came time for their trial marriages - and just days after moving in together, Aussie's view on marriage seemed to have completely changed. However, when Aussie was challenged by a friend about this, about how Aussie could switch feelings about something so big, so quickly, and Aussie did not have an answer. On the other hand, Sam and Tiff just kind of ended up together, after Tiff tried to blow up the whole experiment and just leave that night with Mildred.
Sam and Tiff argued about Tiff's dog, and Aussie and Mildred argued because the former couldn't handle the way the latter communicates - or just couldn't handle confrontation at all. Just like in Aussie's relationship with Sam, the partnership with Mildred seemed doomed, because Aussie would just leave anytime an uncomfortable conversation arose. In the end, Sam and Tiff seemed to be getting along well, and though there wasn't a romantic connection, they both felt they had learned a lot about communication, as well as what they want - and don't want - in a marriage.
When Aussie and Sam started their trial marriage, Sam tried to use her newfound voice to express her needs, which just sent Aussie running away like before. However, by Ultimatum Day, Aussie was singing a new tune. Aussie confused Sam at first, by presenting her with a heart-shaped rock - “the most powerful labradorite protection gemstone” - as a symbolic gesture of "choosing her," in the same way that penguins present their lifelong mates with pebbles. I actually thought that was kind of cute because it made me think of a movie from childhood called The Pebble and the Penguin.
"I've actually come a long way, you know, to be able to find my perfect life partner... I choose you," Aussie said, while handing her the stone. Aussie continued, saying, "I've come to realize you are the most perfect partner for me. Through thick and thin, I think that we've shown ourselves what we're capable of," before pulling out an engagement ring and officially popping the question. Sam, of course, said yes. Aussie called it "the happiest day of my life."
Current relationship status: Engaged
On the reunion show, the pair were still going strong. They both talked about working on communication issues and compromising for each other. Even though they were not married yet, they were talking about having two weddings - one in Australia for Aussie's family and friends, and another in the US.
Tiff and Sam
What happened on the show: Sam and Tiff were definitely not the happiest couple in their trial marriage, and spent much of the beginning of the three weeks arguing over things, like Tiff's dog. Just like with their original partners, Tiff and Sam struggled to find healthy ways to communicate their needs and frustrations with each other.
However, by the end of the trial marriage, they seemed to understand each other, and both felt they left the relationship equipped with new skills to express their needs to their partners without blowing up.
Current relationship status: Friends
They definitely struck up a friendship, as when Tiff left the reunion show after a heated argument with Mildred, Sam stood up for them. Sam also followed them outside to comfort them, and only returned to the show when satisfied that Tiff was okay.
This piece was originally published on Ranker.com.
