The Most Memorable 'It's A Wonderful Knife' Movie Quotes
There are so many things that Michael Kennedy and Tyler MacIntyre's It's a Wonderful Knife gets right, and one of them is tone. The film flawlessly jumps from horror to comedy to twisted Christmas movie with ease. With Justin Long playing a character like Mayor Henry Waters, there were certainly a lot of quotes to be remembered. This is by no means a comprehensive list of the funny or poignant It's a Wonderful Knife movie quotes, but rather a collection of some of my favorites that I wrote in my notes while watching the film.
Scroll on below to check out some of the best It's a Wonderful Knife movie quotes, but be aware, there will be spoilers on this list about the movie. You may not want to read if you have not yet scene the film, which hits theaters November 10th, 2023. You can also read an interview with the writer and director here, and a review of the movie, here.
1. F**k being politically correct.
“I’m the best, so f**k the rest. Tell ‘em Henry sent you.” - Henry Waters (Justin Long)
This is literally a line from a Waters campaign ad. This man believes that he is untouchable, not unlike the Ushers before, you know, their whole house came crashing down. Mayor Waters (Long) runs Angel Falls with a phony chipper demeanor and an iron fist.
2. Merry Christmas to you.
“If you ever wanted to see my dick, Merry Christmas to you. Hard to fit under the tree.” - Buck Waters (Sean Depner)
Mayor Waters’ younger brother Buck isn't quite as ambitious as Henry, but you can't say the social media fiend isn't entrepreneurial. He did just start an Only Fans account.
3. You mean more than you know.
“You know it’s really something. One person. One life, can change everything, just by being gone. And they don’t even know it.” - David Carruthers (Joel McHale)
This is a particularly moving scene, acted beautifully by Joel McHale, who is talking about the loss of his son, Jimmy (Aiden Howard).
4. Pride goeth before a fall.
“Get your f**king hands off me. This is cashmere.” - Henry Waters
Henry is so certain of the hold he has over Angel Falls that even after just being punched his main concern is his security guard not touching his pricey sweater.
5. That's an insult to remember.
“Quit pursing your lips, Vicki. Your mouth looks like an asshole.” - Winnie Carruthers (Jane Widdop)
Trauma has Winnie going from the girl who wouldn't curse to the one who can deliver the sickest of burns without flinching. She tells Vicki (Kiki Faye) off for treating Bernie (Jess McLeod) like shit and calling her "weirdo" even after a year of loss thanks to the Angel's murders.
6. Safety is important.
“Can we get some more caution tape? I feel like we need to be a little more cautious.” - Buck Waters
In the universe in which Winnie doesn't exist, the old sheriff was the fifth victim of the Angel killer, so Henry appointed him the Sheriff, so he could have an inside man to protect himself. However, Buck is still the meathead in this reality, and clearly has no idea what he is doing when it comes to actually solving a murder.
7. Right back at ya.
“You dumb, little sluts. You just made my naughty list.” - Henry Waters
“And you made ours.” - Bernie Simon (Jess McLeod)
Seeing Bernie (Jess McLeod) go from basically invisible in the beginning of the movie to sparring with the most powerful man in town is beyond satisfying.
8. Shut up about the microwave.
“Just keep my meal warm. I won’t be long.” - David Carruthers
“You have a microwave? You can heat up the food afterwards. It’ll be fine.” - Henry Waters
“I love the microwave.” - Evelyn Waters (Sydney Scotia)
“Yeah, well, she cooks all the meals in the microwave.” - Henry Waters
This is an example of the hold Henry has over not only Angel Falls, but also the Carruthers family. He's cheesing it so hard as he pretends to be kind in suggesting a way to warm up the meal, as if the issue here was David's dinner being cold as opposed to his boss making him miss holiday time with his family.
9. She's a pink nightmare.
“Nice try, Jimmy. But Dad gets me a lesbian track suit - ” - Winnie Carruthers
“Hey! We would never wear that.” - Gale Prescott (Katharine Isabelle)
There are funny Aunt Gale moments throughout It's a Wonderful Knife, such as her lightly chastising her for calling it a "lesbian track suit," because, come on, they would never wear anything like that.
10. It's your fault we've been sneaking around.
“Sorry, but you’re not exactly present. Darla and I have been doing this for a year, Winnie, and you never noticed. - Robbie Olenger (Jason Fernandes)
Robbie (Jason Fernandes) is another person not acknowledging Winnie's trauma, or allowing her any time to grieve. Even though her best friend died, and she killed a man, she should just be the same girlfriend he's always had. Sounds a lot like how Billy Loomis treated Sidney Prescott.
11. Don't mess with her.
“Back up, piss heads. I’ll use it!” - Bernie Simon
It's so fun seeing Bernie stick up for herself. She's been through so much, and finally just hit her limit. We love to see it.
12. You matter.
“This Christmas was gonna be my last... This was gonna be it. But you, you helped me realize - “ Bernie Simon
“You matter, Bernie.” - Winnie Carruthers
The way tears well up in Jess McLeod's eyes in this scene made me cry, remembering a time something similar happened to me in therapy. It might feel silly, but it's important to know that we are seen and heard and valued.
13. Nature doesn't mess around.
“Oh, crap. I think the aurora heard you, because it looks angry.” - Bernie Simon
After Winnie yells at the Aurora Borealis for not sending her back to the universe in which her family is still alive, the colors change from shades of green to shades of red.
14. Just so badass.
“Well, I guess there’s something you should know. We f**king killed him.” - Winnie Carruthers
Winnie and Bernie are gleeful to tell Mayor Waters that they killed his henchman, the former's not-dad Dad. They were finally one step ahead of him.
15. Don't think I won't.
“I don’t exist, man. I can do this all day.” - Winnie Carruthers
Winnie's dad (who in this universe only had one child) wants nothing to do with her, thinking she's some crazy person trying to worm her way in on a town's tragedy. Too bad for him she literally has nothing better to do than knock on his door until he relents and talks to her.
16. She's the fun aunt.
“Tell me something you can’t Google.” - Gale Prescott
“Your ass froze to the ground because you were rocking an Aguilerian thong at the 1999 Christmas Eve park party." - Winnie Carruthers
“I always knew that thong would bring people together one day.” - Gale Prescott
Katharine Isabelle of Ginger Snaps is too funny as Winnie's Aunt Gale. She's the kind of aunt who encourages you to party just to see the shocked look on her sister's face.
17. Talk about a rom-com moment.
“I know we just met, but I have no doubt this town was better with you in it.” - Bernie Simon
What's a cuter place for a cozy moment than inside an old theater watching the classics? There's actually a lot of sentimentality in this movie, along with the gore.
18. Someone wants to be Matthew McConaughey in Daze and Confused.
“I am so misunderstood.” - Pete (Dimitri 'Vegas' Thivaios)
Of course the town's creepy neighbor who hangs out with all the teenagers believes he is misunderstood.
19. Well, which is it?
“Invisible a minute ago, and now she knows whose house this is. It’s like make up your mind.” - Bernie Simon
The delivery of this line, by McLeod, is what makes it so funny. She's clearly flustered trying to deal with this frazzled woman who claims to be dead or invisible.
20. It's a wonderful life.
“Holy crud! You aren’t the killer. You were telling the truth. You don’t exist. You’re George Bailey.” - Bernie Simon
“Will you be my Clarence?” - Winnie Carruthers
“Absolutely!” - Bernie Simon
This is another nod to the inspiration for this film, It's a Wonderful Life. George Bailey is the lead character who thinks everyone would be better off without him, while Clarence is his guide, who helps George see the light.
21. What a dick.
“I want you to take a look around your town, if you’re able to walk outside on your own, and you will see that I’m the person this town needs to move us on into the future.” - Henry Waters
It's not bad enough that Henry is bullying an old man to take his land on Christmas Eve, but he's got to throw in little insults like "if you're able to walk outside on your own." Henry is like a modern-day Scrooge, though by the looks of it he definitely doesn't have a problem spending money.
22. Later, virgins!
“For now, there is a brooding, mysterious artistic type that requires my attention. Later, virgins!” - Jimmy Carruthers (
Winnie's brother Jimmy (Aiden Howard) is the Golden Child of the family, and a football star to boot. He's more gregarious and edgy than Winnie, but the pair seem to have a great relationship, when they aren't teasing each other.
23. Dogs always help the vibes.
“Can we get a K9 unit down here? I don’t think it’s gonna help catch him, but it just, it helps the vibes.” - Buck Waters
Because "the vibes" are what a town's sheriff should be worrying about when a serial killer attacks just about every other day. Clearly Buck is out of his depth in this job.
24. F**k off, Chad.
“Chad, do you know me?” - Winnie Carruthers
“I’d like to.” - Chad (Brandon Ironside)
“Ew. Barf. No. Bye.” - Winnie Carruthers
Why are straight men? Winnie was trying to prove a point to Bernie at the party, but all Chad could think about was getting some.
25. Don't drink the Kool-Aid.
“Only Henry Waters can give you everything you need. He’s an angel. He’s your angel.” - Evelyn Waters
Henry Waters has all of his minions working on his PR campaign, and that includes his wife. Funny that she's calling him an angel, which happens to be the name of the killer terrorizing their town.
26. What a character flaw.
“See, I’m a little bit more persuasive than my father ever was. He was so driven by sentiment.” - Henry
Sentiment is a dirty word to someone like Henry Waters. He doesn't care about feelings or any of the morality lessons we're taught back in kindergarten. He just wants money and power.
27. It's pretty simple.
“The people of this town are its future, Henry. They want to live, to work, and be happy, and that’s it.” - Roger Evans (William B. Davis)
No one cares about another fancy mall in this world. What these people want is to be able to live their lives and not have to fight off some real estate tycoon-wannabe from kicking them out of their homes.
28. Put it away.
“Shit. We never meant for you to find out this way.” - Robbie Olenger
“Robbie, IT’S STICKING OUT.” - Winnie Carruthers
It must be terrible to walk in on your boyfriend cheating on you with your friend. It's even worse when he tries to talk through the situation while he's still... excited from hooking up in the laundry room.
29. They need me.
“You think you’re gonna come up here, liberate these people? They desire to be ruled. They need me.” - Henry Waters
Who desires to be ruled? Henry is so immersed in his own bullshit that he will say just about anything to justify his actions.
30. She's had enough.
“I’ve always fucking hated you!” - Bernie
She says this as she punches Henry Waters right in the face, in one of the best moments in the movie. It's probably one of the most satisfying scenes.
31. What every Millennial wants to hear from their parents.
“I’m sorry we didn’t let you heal… No more ignoring anything.” - mom
It may take the whole movie, but Winnie finally hears what she's been waiting to from her mom. She wasn't dwelling or trying to focus on negative things, but rather take the appropriate amount of time to process and grieve such a loss.
32. Don’t do it.
“Don’t ever call me weirdo again.” - Bernie
I think by now Bernie has definitely earned the right to be called by her own name - not that she should have had to fight for it to begin with. Seeing her confidence and how she immediately shut down the use of "weirdo" shows Bernie's growth.
33. I have so many questions.
"Why are you here? In this reality? To learn some lesson? Appreciate life?" - Bernie
The movie is inspired - in title and plot - by It's a Wonderful Life after all.
Check out my review for It's a Wonderful Knife here.
